It was the darkest morning of my life. A darkness I had never experienced before, endless, merciless. It set upon me as soon as I opened my eyes. It had been so bright, and I, so happy when my eyes were closed. Now, I was squinting as I tried desperately to peer into this darkness, to find some shape to this nothingness that pervaded me. I tried to see my hands, but couldn't. I tried to imagine what I looked like, but suddenly I found that I wasn't sure anymore. It was painful, and it was sad. All these truths I seemed to know, couldn't be seen. All these memories, these wishes, these cravings, they all seemed to have disappeared into the darkness. I flailed around for the authenticities that represented this world, my world. I had to prove the world existed. Nothing. Darkness. Then, I gave up. Resigned myself to this darkness forever. I had been trying to find one, just one authenticity in my life. And yet, not one ray of light, not one...
What would become of me now? Was there any point in keeping my eyes open to this darkness? What if it hurt me? It definitely scared me. But, then, if I could not see the world, then was there no world? And if there was no world, then what is it I had been kidding myself about, all this while? And if there was a world, and I could not see it anymore, then there was no world anyway. Now I was me, and I existed. Just my consciousness, which did not need a world. And if I had my consciousness, then I had me. The world would be what I wanted it to be. And I didn't even need it to be, anymore.
Now I see the light. It is the light that I have just made. The light I will declare, and the light that I will spread. The light is my word, and my word is the light. I now exist, because of my word. That is the one authenticity to me now. The word... My word...
The color of truth is not white, the color of truth is Black....
2 comments:
remarkable- and was reassuring in some way..
MS!
hi!
***Now I was me, and I existed. Just my consciousness, which did not need a world. And if I had my consciousness, then I had me. The world would be what I wanted it to be. And I didn't even need it to be, anymore.
Now I see the light. It is the light that I have just made. The light I will declare, and the light that I will spread. The light is my word, and my word is the light.***
the above lines, MS, at the point of time when I read it sounded very optimistic, a kind of liberation from having our perceptions being influenced by the external- to me, ite signified an emergence from erstwhile darkness- to light- and also that once one had found the source within- there was no need for an external source- perhaps you had a different idea in mind when you worte the words- but for me, this is how I interpreted your words...and that I found reassuring...
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